dude i'm inner monologue high
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
