Don't you send me to vm
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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