the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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