so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
