dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
