She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
