so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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