oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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