K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You are the jesus of drinking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
