Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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