So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
