Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
