Please, let me fuck your mom
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As shirtless as possible
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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