I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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