She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
