haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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