Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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