Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
