I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
