I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
