Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
