shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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