): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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