I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
