the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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