remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
