do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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