dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
