who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
