I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
