My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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