guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
