I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize