Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
