Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
