Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
