Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
