did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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