she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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