He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
