I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
