Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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