i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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