Just cropdusted the office
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
