is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
