angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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