i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I CAN MOONWALK!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
