Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
