i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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