I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
