new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
