dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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