im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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