the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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