I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize