last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
