is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
