I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
