I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
