I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
