We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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