i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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