Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
