A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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