She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
