it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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