Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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