It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
