..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
