i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
