I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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