well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
