Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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