i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
