you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
