Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
