I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
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Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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