is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
