First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize