He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
