what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
