Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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