I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
