The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
