I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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