Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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