I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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